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Andrews Heads Hair Regrowth Project and New Club for Balding Students

By Harry Hafnott, Wig Aficionado

Kennedy world history teacher Jonathan Andrews is now sponsoring The Hair Raisers, a club on campus that seeks to promote an encouraging environment for students who have problems regrowing hair. The club also has the opportunity to test a new hair regrowth product.

Andrews got the idea for the club himself when a big gust of wind came and he felt the rush on his head. He formed the club and began to host meetings on Wednesdays at lunch in B12.

However, Andrews discovered that recruiting students in the club is difficult. According to SCUSD demographic data on Kennedy students, less than 3% of students on campus suffer from undiagnosed alopecia, or baldness caused by genetics.

To expand the scope of the club, Andrews told The Claritin that the club is open to all students with hair insecurity, not just those with baldness, “Hair is a soft-spot for many in society, and whether you feel insecure about hair color, gray hairs, hair loss, or having too much hair, this club is for you.” Andrews is also actively encouraging balding freshmen to take their place in the fight against baldness.

Despite Andrews’ efforts, the only person who showed up to last week’s meeting was none other than Kennedy’s principal, David Van Natten. Van Natten sought to try out the new hair product, formulated by anonymous members of Kennedy’s own science department.

Van Natten was initially extremely impressed with the results, but found a downside to having luscious locks. “Kids keep trying to touch my newly grown hair when I’m walking through the halls. It can get pretty difficult to move when people need to jump up to touch my head,” Van Natten explained.

The results proved to be highly effective, regrowing hair within 24 hours, but the hair did not last for more than a day after reaching maximum length. Apparently a large gust of wind came and blew the hair off like dandelion seeds. Nevertheless, the science department seeks to create a hair formula that will blow the world away and will continue to work over the summer.

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