By Billy T. Hernandez, Clarion Contributor
Once upon a time there was a penguin and a wildebeest and they fell not madly, but angrily in love. They hated each other but couldn’t separate. Penny always turned the A/C too high. Will was wildin’, coming home at 3 AM from parties. They always complained. Penny would say stuff like *Quack* and Will would make whatever sounds wildebeests make. Three years passed away. RIP. The funerals were beautiful.
Then one day Penny said, “Why don’t we get a divorce?”
Will responded, “Hey I didn’t know we could talk. Also, we don’t divorce because we’re stuck together.”
Will was referring to the incident at the glue factory they used to work at, Love Glue Inc. One day at work, Will had said he liked toilet paper under and milk before his cereal. This enraged Penny to the point of engaging in a good game of fisticuffs with Will. They grappled, lost their balance, and fell into the cat is Love Glue.
“Oh yeah,” said Penny, “ I don’t know how I could have forgotten that. Anyway, I still loathe you.”
“Loathe you too Penny.”
The End… of Chapter 1.
The next day, Penny decided since they were stuck together, they should see a marriage counselor. So they went to see one. They went to see the counselor once a week for a couple months, but they were just as hateful as ever. Will hated the visits but Penny had a purpose, so she would lean over to carry him on her back and waddle the both of them two miles, through the snow, uphill both ways. Penny began to realize her efforts were not paying off and asked Will if he had an idea as to why don’t the counselor wasn’t working.
Will answered, “Maybe it’s because we’ve only seen the counselor and never actually talked to them.”
“Talk!?” Penny exclaimed, “But we don’t speak human.”
“I know,” responded Will, “So this probably isn’t the fix for our marriage, but as they say, when there’s a will… there’s a method of solution that might arise.”