Vol. 46 No. 3: April 1, 2017

By Clarion Staff

McClatchy Quiets the Lion by ‘Soft-Petaling’ a New Mascot

“…the 80-year-old school shocked the school’s alumni by abruptly changing their mascot to the dandelion…”

“Many children blow on [the dandelion], hoping that their dreams will come true. Perhaps McClatchy students can now wish that their school will one day be as wonderful as John F. Kennedy High School.”

Spaghetti Strap-Clad Students Claim Second Amendment ‘Right to Bare Arms’

“If I wanna show off my new $80 Victoria’s Secret bra, I really should be allowed to. It’s just me expressing who I am on the inside, and I believe that the Bill of Rights gives me that right,’ Kennedy junior Anne Dergarmint told The Clarion.”

JFK Hide and Seek Team Finds Their First Victory in Forty-four Years

The Kennedy Cougars defeated McClatchy in the first interscholastic hide and seek match in 44 years, which was located in the Kennedy auditorium.

“…hiding in the speech podium proved to be effective. I used the handicap gate as a distraction and the McClatchy seeker was as lost as a dandelion fluff in a tornado,’ Johnson explained to The Claritin.”

Clarion Facts (2016-2017 school year)

Chief Editor – Kristof of Topher

Staff Advisor – Bonedaddy “Crazy-legs” Hanzman

Principal – David Van Baldin