By Chuck & Nancy, Claritin Staff
Chancellor Nan Vatten recently called a schoolwide emergency this past week. “Tonight, I am speaking to you because there is a growing humanitarian and security crisis in the M wing,” stated Nan Vatten. The topic he wanted to address was a rather controversial decision: Kennedy Band. Nan Vatten’s solution: the construction of a wall to separate Kennedy students from band kids.
When our editor-in-chief and band member Adrianna Iorio inquired about the reasoning behind this drastic decision, Nan Vatten responded, “They are not our friends, believe me. They’re bringing drums. They’re bringing chimes. They’re saxists. And some, I assume, are good people.”
Nan Vatten’s biggest concern was the level of noise pollution in the air, and studies from Dravrah University, a YVI League college, show that out of the entirety of high schools nationally, Kennedy High School ranks first in noise pollution.
One of the most prominent issues with the band wall was the financing aspect of the plan, but Nan Vatten had a rather unorthodox answer, “Make Band pay for it.” This caused massive outrage with Kennedy students, who called out the chancellor for inhumane treatment of the students. Fellow Kennedy student Pellis Enn gave his own two-cents on the issue, coming to the defense of Kennedy’s Band. “They win us trophies, they do no wrong, why do we need a wall? What’s gonna be next? Gardening Club?” interjected the Kennedy icon.
When attempting to garner funding to finish the construction of a now half-built band wall, Nan Vatten threatened to shut down the school until his construction was properly compensated. However, since no organization or department of Kennedy administration has taken any measures to provide the needed funding, Kennedy is under shutdown until further progress has been made between the chancellor and school administration.