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Category: SATIRE

Fake News. Disgusting.

Kennedy is No Longer Respunsible

By Desir Lusti, Claritin Staff As of this quarter, Kennedy students and staff can no longer say puns on campus. It was recently announced this banning occurred as a result […]

Band, Project Move Banned from Rallies

Tou Geytoh, Chief Cynicist Performing members from the John F. Kennedy drumline, color guard, brass band, and Vibe in Promo were denied by student government rally planners after all four […]

Way Back Machine – 1 Year Ago

Vol. 46 No. 3: April 1, 2017 By Clarion Staff McClatchy Quiets the Lion by ‘Soft-Petaling’ a New Mascot “…the 80-year-old school shocked the school’s alumni by abruptly changing their […]

Waving Goodbye to the surf team

By Karissa Jones, Claritin Staff The Kennedy surf team has had a terrible year so far this season. For the first time since the drought of 2016, the team of […]

Time Capsule Reveals Signs of a Simpler Time

By Brett To, HIs/her/They/It-storian Kennedy administration made the long-awaited decision to open the historic time capsule located in Office Manager Maria Valim’s office. The 2006 treasure chest’s contents pleasantly surprised […]

An Unfortunate Turn of Events

By Koa Kinsbad, Food Critic After being served an undercooked piece of exotic Bulgarian steak by Aima Wakow, junior at Kennedy and culinary student, celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay demanded the […]

“Abrakadabra, Magic Club Gone?”

By DeeDee Lou Shanelle, Campus Visionary At Kennedy, students with an interest in fooling an audience with optical illusions, sleight of hand, and clever card tricks, the Kennedy Magic Club […]

Speaking of a Change

By Jim Polca, Political Animal Control Expert The Speaker of the House of Representatives, Paul Ryan, does a heavy workout every week with his P90x routine. He does his 90 day […]